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08 February 2010 @ 09:39 am
Love, sex and threesomes  
I can only give my experiences here. I've only slept with one man and one woman. I was (and am still) utterly in love with the man. The woman is one of my best friends and the 3 of us got together one night and had a fantastic time. She and I are still very close, 3/4yrs on, he and I are still very much together. We'd like to have a threesome again at some point.

On tv, in newspapers and magazines, threesomes have a very sour reputation, with people who partake in them being portrayed either as weak-willed women co-erced by over-bearing male partners or as sexually (and therefore obviously societally) deviant. I don't consider myself to be anything other than sexually normal. I have a sex drive that i used to think was high but speaking to a lot of my friends i actually don't think it is. I think it's just modern and unrepressed. The implication in the media is that threesomes always ruin relationships and friendships. The only thing that ruins relationships in these circumstances would be a lack of trust, and if you don't trust each other why the hell are you in a relationship?

On to the second part of my rant: infidelity, or the difference between love and sex.

Whilst i know my man is not about to sleep with other people (unless i'm there too :p), it wouldn't entirely bother me if he did, the reason being that he'd still be in love with me. I wouldn't count it as cheating unless he was 'emotionally involved' with the person as well. I'm told that sex with someone you love is more powerful than sex with just anyone, but sex is still fun whether you're in love or not. Sex is just sex, love is what matters!

So the captain of some football team (the england squad maybe? i really don't follow sport!) cheated on his girlfriend. The papers all seem to be focusing on the sex aspect. None have mentioned whether he was actually in love with the other woman, and either way why the hell does it matter in terms of leading a football team? The American president cheated on his wife and had to stop being president, but his wife stayed with him. Surely she's the one who should be outraged, not the nation? Also, the French president did the same and no one batted an eyelid. It's just sex! Ok, so his wife was also not exactly happy, but the nation knew it didn't affect his ability to look after the country.

Sorry that this isn't very coherent, it's been a long and tiring weekend. This is just some stuff that irritates me and i wanted to get off my chest :) Any thoughts?
 
 
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Polo Moloslartibartfast on February 8th, 2010 02:15 pm (UTC)
There is a big difference between sex and trust. As we were talking about when I came to Bournemouth, I've had a threesome last year from the other POV from you - I was the single person, and the other two were together. They're still together and happy and we'd like to hook up again sometime.

I don't think there's anything wrong with the people who want to remain exclusively monogamous when it comes to relationships, which are often synonymous with sex. I just agree with you, sex is a different thing to love and means something entirely different. The guy wasn't forcing his girlfriend into wanting a threesome, it was her who suggested it, and it didn't matter beyond a fun thing to do.

I think there's such a strange emphasis saying that sex equals love when it clearly doesn't. Sex often goes hand in hand with love but it also goes hand in hand with casual fun. Sex is fun. You don't have to be polyamorous to enjoy a threesome.